im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
