If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
