it wasn't lemon gatorade
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sex in a hospital.. check
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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