if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
