Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
