Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
