you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
