Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
