I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
