Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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