I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
