You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
