i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
