Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
