I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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