she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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