Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
everyone is single if you try hard enough
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
