i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I party with great urgency now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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