Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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