I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
