saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
