Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love having hate sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
