True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
