yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
