Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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