Apparently you make a good broom.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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