that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
