He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
