You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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