after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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