who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
