I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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