If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
