I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
