Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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