I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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