just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
