It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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