best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
