I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
