new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pants are for mortals
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
