I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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