i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
