HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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