I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
