I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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