Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
