he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
