you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
