i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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