Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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