I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
