hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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