sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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