I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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