I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Two words: nipple clamps
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