woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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