No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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