I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am spending my child support on dildos
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
