omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
