bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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