Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
