every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
