Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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