Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
