Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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