YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
