Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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