i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
