dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
