I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
