birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
