I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
