Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
