I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
