after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
worst night to have a conscience
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
