we have pet lesbian snakes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
