You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
