Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
