Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
